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Divorce Negotiations 
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Summary in Divorce
After one spouse has filed for divorce, the parties, one way or another, begin negotiations in search of a property settlement. Face to face or through lawyers or mediators or collaboratively, the spouses seek to hammer out an agreement about the division and distribution of the marital estate, spousal and child support, visitation. These meetings are called negotiations.
When they end successfully, nothing is in dispute, and divorce can proceed through the courts.
Negotiations may freeze when one person does not want the marriage to end. In most divorces, one spouse wants out and one does not -- at least at the onset.
When marriages end, a surprising number of spouses fail to see the end at hand until the other spouse says it is over. Rahul’s announcement that he wants a divorce may blindside Priya, who has no idea of Anne. Thus, the person who wants to leave may be way ahead of the person who does not see the breakup coming -- at least emotionally and mentally. The person who is left may try to stall, sometimes in hope of a reunification, but as the divorce progresses, he or she moves toward the point where both spouses understand the marriage is over.
Negotiations frequently bring into play what are termed leverage factors, considerations made by each of the parties pertaining to the issues that are being disputed.
In divorce actions, one leverage factor is, in whose interest is it to remain married longest? Answering this question can be a starting point at the onset of divorce negotiations because it creates leverage over the negotiations. If Rahul has left Priya for Anne, Priya has leverage she can work to her advantage in property settlement negotiations. A person prepared to wait has a bargaining tool that can be brought to bear in property negotiations.
Divorce Settlement Negotiation Strategies
When Facing Separation or Divorce, Be Prepared to Negotiate
Resolve how college tuition will be paid
Reevaluate your retirement plan
Negotiate the best health insurance coverage for you and your children
Calculate the long-term costs of keeping the house
We recognize that negotiation is not a competitive sport, that unless the parties collaborate to reach agreement, even short-term solutions may fall apart.
Finally, it is a cliché that a good settlement is one that completely satisfies neither party but with which each can live. If your side winds too much and the opposition gets too little. The whole agreement is more apt to come unhinged, and costly litigation may ensue. Where both sides feel that the terms are fair and reasonable and were arrived at by give-and-take, there is psychological and more moral pressure to abide by the agreement, in much the same way you are honor-bound when you “shake on it”. Studies have shown that where the parties arrive at support terms by negotiation and agreements, which are acceptable, to the court, the obligor pays, and pays on time, more frequently then when support terms are imposed by the court. A word to the wise may be sufficient: try to minimize implementation and enforcement problems by making reasonable settlement agreements with your spouse.
Divorce Clips
IndiaInfo.com Trend of ex-parte divorce on rise in India Sunday, February 17, 2008 11:22 [IST]
New Delhi: For Shashibala, an unlettered girl from a village in Jharkhand, her dreams of a happy married life in the national capital came crashing when she received a divorce order through post just after a year of her marriage.
Hers is among an increasing trend of ex-parte divorces taking place with the girls and their families in far off villages taken completely unawares as the unscrupulous husbands discover an easy route to get rid of their illiterate wives.
These unfortunate women do not even get a summons from the court before they get the divorce order, usually after the husband has taken the dowry. An ex-parte divorce is a one-sided case where the judge passes the ruling if the other party does not appear twice in the court.
There are around 50 applications received in Delhi courts every day from men wanting to undo the nuptial bond.
To get a divorce the basic requirement is to show a separation of one year, which is easy for the husbands with their wives living in their parent's home in villages. Once proof of separation is shown, then the husband gets the divorce easily.
However, such rulings can be challenged in higher courts. And this is what Shashibala is doing. Shashibala has now challenged the divorce by husband Girish Sharma in a Delhi court.
"She was forced to give her mutual consent for divorce under influence, force and fraud. She was assured that the money demanded as dowry by her husband would be waived if she gives a statement in the court," Javed Ashraf Khan, lawyer of Shashibala, told IANS.
He said that the husband had taken advantage of Shashibala being unlettered.
The latest figures collected from the eight matrimonial courts in the city indicate a disturbing trend. Of the 50 petitions being filed everyday, almost half relate to people from rural backgrounds where the groom takes dowry and after sometime files a divorce case on the unsuspecting bride.
"It came as a shock to me and my family that our daughter was divorced without any major marital discord between our two families. Though we kept receiving dowry demands we never thought they would divorce my daughter," said Shashibala's father Jagdish Sharma.
Most such cases are either disposed of with the other party unaware of any legal proceedings against them, while the rest are solved through mutual consent.
"It's the tragedy of the Indian legal system that many such rulings are passed without even the Knowledge and understanding of a party against whom the case has been filed. Proper legal aid should be there so that illiterate girls can fight for their rights in the court," said Khan.
Divorce cases are on an upswing and such ex-parte cases are adding to the numbers. In 2006-07, 6,283 divorce cases were filed in matrimonial courts - adding to the 5,677 cases pending from earlier. Of these, 5,236 cases were disposed of, leaving 6,724 still undecided.
Source : IANS
Divorce Rate In India
Divorce rates in India are amongst the lowest in the world. 11 marriages out of 1,000 marriages (around 1 marriage out of 100 marriages) ends up to divorce in India. This figure was even low in 1990. In 1990, 7.40 marriages out of 1,000 marriages ended up in divorce in India.
The divorce rate in India is even quite lower in the villages in India and higher in urban parts of India. These days divorce rates in India’s urban sphere are shooting up.
A wide angle view of India
Why is the divorce rate increasing?
Divorce is on the rise. Whether it’s Delhi or Lucknow, Kerala or Punjab, Kolkata or Chennai, the upper classes or the middle classes, metros or semi-urban areas…the specter of divorce is now here to haunt us all.
Why, just in Delhi the figures go thus:
1960’s – 1-2 cases per year
1980 - 100-200 cases per year
1990s - 1,000 cases per year
This decade…a jump to 9,000 cases per year
About Mumbai (update):
So far nearly 7,000 divorce cases have already been filed at the family court this year, and the number is expected to reach 7,200 by year-end — 60 per cent more than the 4,500 cases filed in 2005. Couples in the 25-35 age group accounted for 70 per cent of the cases, and 85 per cent of them were filed in the first three years of marriage.
A lot of us have tried to understand why the divorce rate in India has been low for so many years (post on divorce rates of the world) and why it was slated to increase. In this post I shall concentrate on the latter question…divorce rates in the context of modern society. Here are some pointers as to why divorce rates are increasing (not in order of importance) and you will find that some points are connected:
Greater societal acceptance of divorcees in urban areas and also a gradual acceptance of divorced daughters by families (not in rural areas) because families have started to believe that perhaps their daughter can have a life after marriage and without a husband.
The anonymity of big cities has helped divorced people avoid the glare of judgmental friends and relatives. Financial freedom to walk away from an abusive relationships.
The sanctity of marriage is taking a beating. People’s attitudes towards marriage itself are changing…and as a result they do not work hard at it as before. More DINKS couples (double income no kids) who are not held back by the fear of how the divorce will impact children.
Stress of modern life. Today’s working environment has changed drastically. The economy having opened up, most companies are facing intense competition and this leads to tremendous pressure on employees. Working late, 6 days a week, without holidays and with a boss who breathes down your throat can create a lot of frustration and tension. This can destroy a marriage, whether it’s just one partner working, or both.
Loneliness. Nuclear families have meant loneliness for the non-working partner, compounded by moving away from familiar environments. This can result in estrangement, affairs…
Change in gender roles. If the wife is working, gender roles change. Conflicts arising from sharing the work load at home adds to the stress faced at work. Tensions often arise if the husband imagines that the woman’s career is temporary or the woman imagines that her husband will lend a hand at home…
Professional rivalry. Whether in traditional India or the emancipated west, men are still not comfortable with the strong independent modern woman. Men might feel that they are ready for a working partner, and they can be…but not for a high powered career woman.
There is one more - compatibility, which kind of overlaps everything. Says Savita Pandey, acting deputy registrar at the family court in Bandra to DNA: (update)
Earlier, cruelty, desertion and harassment used to account for two out of three cases. But in the last two years, compatibility has been cited in a majority of the cases. This is linked to the fact that most of the cases this year have been filed by younger couples, who mostly complain of attitudinal problems while filing for divorce.
Problems with attitude can arise because most men prefer being the bread-winners. An article on a reputed site run by mental health professionals says that American men tend to do less housework than women, even if their wives are working. But the situation gets worse if women start to earn more than their men. The men start to help less at home!
This article in the nytimes explains how highly paid women in a modern city like New York find it difficult to find love because they aren’t enough men who are emotionally secure enough to be comfortable with a woman who is more successful than them. Women can be equally at fault because not all successful women can adjust, even if they find their ideal guy. They find it hard to respect a man who earns less than them!
So it’s a catch-22 situation.
So what’s the solution? Well, women giving up their careers is certainly not one. In fact, I was rather disturbed when I read this article on rediff. It began thus:
Guys: A word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don’t marry a woman with a career.
The advice may have been given in a light-hearted tone, but how many are going to take it so?
The article does however acknowledge that “the link between work, women and divorce rates is complex and controversial.”
At the crux of the argument is that the very basis of marriage is based on some sort of labor specialization which can go for a six if both partners are in high pressure jobs.
That must be true I’m sure…
What remains also true however is that women cannot take a step back, or start to take up non-threatening jobs…it’s taken hundreds of years for women to reach here. They have aspired to reach here because the traditional ‘woman’s work’ has never got them the respect they deserved. I personally believe that nurturing kids is a job as worthy as that of a chief executive, but how many people will agree? It’s human beings that we are talking about here…and if things go wrong at a company, sure people lose money…but if upbringing fails the result can be disturbed people and unhealthy people! Or even worse.
All the more reason why dads should contribute to parenting…and that will also give women a chance to do more ‘important’ work.
Well, whatever men want, the truth is that women are not going to go back to their traditional gender roles…in fact the opposite is happening. More and more women are going out into the big bad world…and it’s good. Modern industrialized society is different from an agricultural economy and women need to contribute.
So what’s the future? Whether for men or women, I guess greater comfort levels with the changed gender roles is a must! Women need to value and respect men who earn less than them and men need to put aside their egos when faced with a woman who earns more. Obvious huh…but easier said than done! I just hope we don’t have to wait for another hundred years…
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